I Have This Tendency to Say Opposite of What I Feel in Bold Letters

6:00 am, House

“Anak. Twenty ka na.” Mother woke me up. Inside my mind then was ‘Shit, I am still alive?’. Believe it or not, I think and expect my death every day. Then she said, “Payakap nga.”

It was the most expected thing that happened. I was still half asleep when I received a hug from her. Though I really didn’t like celebrating my birthdays, I still like to be with friends and people I love.

When I looked at my phone, there were a few messages. I was glad that some of it weren’t a happy birthday message. I’m not fond of that greeting just so you know; after all, I am not happy I was born.

“Padala ng mga colored pencils.” It was a text message from Michael whom I had a deal with. I need to die this day or else I should give him Faber Castell colored pencils. Unfortunately, I could not find them.

“Nawawala yung faber na malalaki. Rawr. Pero may dala ako. :p” I replied.

I went to UP with a make-up on just because I felt that I was already 20, an age higher from the teen ages. I thought, would make-up make me mature? Of course not.


I was texting Dice then. The funny thing was we were talking about other people’s love lives when it was so early in the morning.

There was no one around when I came to our tambayan until someone shouted. It came from Jeszy who had a pictorial that day.

10:30, EdCirc Tambayan

 “Jessa, happy Valentines!”

Unfortunately, I do not celebrate valentines as others would. When I would tell the date of my birth to others, they would always mention Wow, Valentines Day! Was that something to be happy about?

“Joke lang! Happy birthday!” as I saw Desiree and Michael.

I reached out for the boxes to be covered for a project in our organization when Conchi came. Maybe she was there to prepare for council matters.

When I opened the cabinet, there was a rose for me. It was in the internal affairs corner, so I assumed it came from Mark. I was still surprised by the red flower when I saw Casey coming with a big heart contained with many hearts. I was like WOAH.

“Sesa! EfforT yan kagabi…”

“Kailan niyo pa to ginawa?”

“Sobrang fail yan ah! Nakay Dice kasi yung kalahati.”

I wanted to cry, but I didn’t just because I couldn’t.

“Ang tagal dumating ni Migs,” Desiree mentioned.

Later on, Dice came. WOAH AGAIN. She got a box with the number of my favorite instructor. Haha!

I could not guess what was happening. I just made a poker face as I covered the boxes. All I knew was only Desiree and I were going for a lunch date and there we went.

I hate surprises.

Migs came as he threw a yellow wrapper to me… and a paper with–what the.

I was not happy when I received the paper.

ALSKJDAKSDJLAJDANDAJD!!! If you could just imagine how crazy I was inside, but I could not let it out since there was an exam near our place. So what’s with that boring drawing and the happy birthday? It was just a piece of paper and it was just something from Juju, my perfect crush.

Let me give another AKLSFJALKJFALKJFDALKJDLAKJDL!!! Seriously, I would like to thank Reez, Migs’ girlfriend, for the effort. I could sculpt Migs and give it to her if I could.

I cleaned the table before we went, and saw Michael’s birthday gift with a ‘happy birthday ate Jessa‘. I was overwhelmed, maybe because he was not really that kind of person who would greet someone such.

12:30, Sizzling Pepper Steak

I knew by the name that Sizzling Pepper Steak was a restaurant. Check ng wallet, 70php. When I reached out for the menu, my eyes exploded.

“Pumili ka lang. Go.” Desiree said.

“Egg. 15 pesos.”

I just wanted to kill the people who were behind that surprise.

I hate you guys.

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