Sablay and Sunflowers

While watching each of them parade, I recall all my regrets in my UP life. I knew I was capable of a laude. Well, I think everyone does. I hated myself for screwing that 7:00 AM subject since I was too lazy to get up from bed and for having too much extra curricular activities, thinking I had enough of my grade consciousness in high school. But then two years after, I regret it. I wish I could have taken English or Arts or Teaching in the Early Grades so as not to experience all the monstrous Math and Physics subjects I had.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Math, but UP made me realize it didn’t love me at all. Haha. I used to believe that I was knowledgeable in Math, but no. There are actually more people way back in high school who excelled in that subject. I wasn’t even in a Math competition! I excelled in English, Filipino, and Arts, but I still took Math. It’s actually the joy after solving a problem that made me pursue with the major. Take note, the joy. So subjective of me, right?

But that was not my greatest regret.

After having that drastic failure when I was in second year college, I gave up that grade-conscious version of myself. I studied a night before exams by reading my notebooks and then dropping it on my bed. My parents blamed my extra curricular activities, but I knew it was my fault. We kept fighting day til night. Their expectations suffocated me. A week before my graduation, I decided to run away from home with anger and scars on my arm.

During the day of my graduation, I preferred not to get pictures from the official photographer of the college since I did not have too much money. I only had a post-picture of our grad ceremony. Note the article a.

Today, parents were beside the graduates. I was surprised. If that happened two years ago, I’d walk alone on the stage. I remembered that I cried when we were lining up. Everybody thought I was crying because I missed UP, but I actually cried knowing that my parents weren’t able to watch me graduate.

After the whole graduation ceremony, I saw them, but my mother just passed by me, and my father and my older brother were out of sight. Only my little brother cared to come near me and had our photos. I wasn’t able to have a picture with the sunflowers, nor did I had the chance to enjoy the post-graduation experience. I immediately went to my new home.

You might think that this blog would end up with an inspirational quote or what good did all these experiences bring. Well, no. I’ll end this as sad as it could be. I couldn’t even think of positive things from the experience except for the cliche, If I haven’t been there, I’m not who I am now.

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